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- "┴ ═ODEST ╨ROPOSAL"
- ╨UB. 1729
-
- ┬Y: ╩ONATHAN ╙WIFT,
- 1667-1745
-
- -------------------
-
- ╫┴╥╬╔╬╟: ╘HIS WORK DISCUSSES THE SELLING, COOKING, AND EATING OF
- BABIES AS A SATIRICAL DEVICE. ╔T IS ╬╧╘ FOR THE SQUEAMISH (IT WASN'T EVEN
- IN ╩ONATHAN ╙WIFT'S DAY!), AND PARENTAL DISCRETIONS IS MOST DEFINITELY
- ADVISED.
-
- -------------------
-
- ┴┬╧╒╘ ╘╚╔╙ ╫╧╥╦: ╔N 1729, ╩ONATHAN ╙WIFT WAS LIVING IN ╔RELAND, WHICH
- WAS THEN UNDER ┬RITISH RULE. ╒NSCRUPULOOUS LANDLORDS BY THE SCORE WERE BUSILY
- EMPLOYED IN ABUSING THEIR LEGAL AUTHORITY AND WERE, UNCHECKED, OPPRESSING AND
- EVICTING THE POOR IN VAST NUMBERS. ╘HIS LEFT A GREAT MANY DESTITUTE PEOPLE,
- MOSTLY WOMEN AND CHILDREN, HOMELESS. ╘HESE COULD DO LITTLE BUT WANDER THE
- STREETS TO BEG AND STARVE. ┬EHOLDING SUCH MISERY, AND SEEING THAT NO ONE WAS
- MAKING ANY MEANINGFUL MOVES TOWARDS REFORM, ANY ORDINARY PERSON MIGHT HAVE
- EXCLAIMED, WITH BITTER IRONY, "╧NE MIGHT AS WELL COOK AND EAT THESE CHILDREN
- AS TO DO NOTHING -- THEY'RE DYING BY THE HUNDREDS ANYWAY!" ┬UT ╩ONATHAN ╙WIFT
- WAS ╬╧╘ AN ORDINARY PERSON, HE WAS A ╫╥╔╘┼╥, AND A TALENTED AND WELL-KNOWN
- ONE AT THAT; AND SO THE DEVICE HE EMPLOYS HERE IS ╙┴╘╔╥┼, A FORM OF *EXTENDED
- IRONY*, IN WHICH THE MOST REPULSIVE OR OUTRAGEOUS SUBJECT IS DISCUSSED WITH
- RELENTLESS LOGIC AND COMPLETE, DEADPAN SINCERITY.
-
- ═ODERN ┴MERICANS ARE NOT USED TO SATIRE. ┴S A LITERARY DEVICE IN MODERN
- WRITING, IT IS VIRTUALLY UNHEARD OF. ┴ND JUST TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, WE ARE,
- THANKS TO A MORBID AND SENSATIONALIST MEDIA, DAILY INNUNDATED BY *BOTH* THE
- REPULSIVE, ┴╬─ THE OUTRAGEOUS -- SOMETIMES IN ONE SOURCE. ╙OMEONE ADVOCATES
- OVERTHROWING THE GOVERNMENT AND COINING THEIR OWN MONEY? ╙O-CALLED "═ILITIA
- ╟ROUPS". ┴ GROUP OF MANIACS ADVOCATING THE SLAUGHTER OF ╩EWS? "╬EO-╬AZIS".
- ╦ILL EVERYONE AND BRING ABOUT ┴RMEGEDDON? ┬EEN THERE, DONE THAT WITH ─AVID
- ╦ORESH ET AL. ┴ KOOK ADVOCATING THE SELLING AND EATING OF BABIES... ╫AIT!
- ╘╚┴╘'S NO KOOK, THAT'S ╩ONATHAN ╙WIFT!
-
- ╨LEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT THE ┼╙╙┼╬╘╔┴╠ QUALITY OF ┴╠╠ EFFECTIVE SATIRE
- IS ITS ABSOLUTE SERIOUSNESS. ╘HE WRITER IS ╙╒╨╨╧╙┼─ TO DISCUSS HIS SUBJECT,
- HOWEVER GROTESQUE OR OUTLANDISH, AS IF HE WERE DEADLY SERIOUS ABOUT IT, AND
- ONLY THE SUBTLIST OF CLUES -- OR NONE AT ALL -- ARE OFFERED TO TELL US
- OTHERWISE. ╧NE IMPORTANT SUCH CLUE IN THE PRESENT WORK IS THIS ONE:
-
- > ╔ SHALL NOW THEREFORE HUMBLY PROPOSE MY OWN THOUGHTS, WHICH ╔
- > HOPE WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO THE LEAST OBJECTION. (╠INES 074-075.)
-
- ╘HIS CLUE IS ONE OF *UNDERSTATEMENT*. ╧BVIOUSLY, OF COURSE, HIS IDEAS
- ARE ╓┼╥┘ OBJECTIONABLE -- BUT THEN, THAT'S THE SATIRE OF IT. ┘ET ANOTHER HINT
- AS TO THE SATIRICAL NATURE OF THIS WORK CAN BE FOUND IN LINES 102-110, IN
- WHICH ╙WIFT EXPLAINS HOW HIS "PLAN" WILL REDUCE THE NUMBER OF PAPISTS (I.E.,
- ╥OMAN ├ATHOLICS) IN THE REGION.
-
- ╔N ╙WIFT'S DAY, THE VERY OUTRAGEOUSNESS OF THE SUBJECT WAS ENOUGH TO
- ALERT PEOPLE TO THE SATIRE. ╘ODAY, MIRED AS WE ARE WITHIN A VIRTUAL SWAMP OF
- OUTLANDISH AND OUTRAGEOUS PEOPLE AND EVENTS, THIS HAS LONG SINCE CEASED TO BE
- AN ADEQUATE INDICATOR. ╬ONETHELESS, PLEASE REST ASSURED THAT THIS IS, INDEED,
- A ╙┴╘╔╥┼; AND THAT WHEN ╩ONATHAN ╙WIFT WRITES SUGGESTING THAT BABIES BE SOLD,
- COOKED, AND EATEN, ╚┼ ─╧┼╙╬'╘ ╥┼┴╠╠┘ ═┼┴╬ ╔╘!!! (┴LTHOUGH TO BE FAIR, THE
- CONCEPT ISN'T EXACTLY NEW; IF YOU DOUBT ME, JUST BROWSE 2╦INGS 6:26-30...)
-
- ┴LL STORY LINES BELOW HAVE BEEN NUMBERED FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE.
-
- -------------------
-
- 001: ┴ ═╧─┼╙╘ ╨╥╧╨╧╙┴╠ ╞╧╥ ╨╥┼╓┼╬╘╔╬╟ ╘╚┼ ├╚╔╠─╥┼╬ ╧╞ ╨╧╧╥ ╨┼╧╨╠┼
- 002: ╔╬ ╔╥┼╠┴╬─ ╞╥╧═ ┬┼╔╬╟ ┴ ┬╒╥─┼╬ ╘╧ ╘╚┼╔╥ ╨┴╥┼╬╘╙ ╧╥ ├╧╒╬╘╥┘, ┴╬─
- 003: ╞╧╥ ═┴╦╔╬╟ ╘╚┼═ ┬┼╬┼╞╔├╔┴╠ ╘╧ ╘╚┼ ╨╒┬╠╔├.
-
- 004: ╔T IS A MELANCHOLY OBJECT TO THOSE WHO WALK THROUGH THIS GREAT
- 005: TOWN OR TRAVEL IN THE COUNTRY, WHEN THEY SEE THE STREETS, THE ROADS,
- 006: AND CABIN DOORS, CROWDED WITH BEGGARS OF THE FEMALE SEX, FOLLOWED BY
- 007: THREE, FOUR, OR SIX CHILDREN, ALL IN RAGS AND IMPORTUNING EVERY
- 008: PASSENGER FOR AN ALMS. ╘HESE MOTHERS, INSTEAD OF BEING ABLE TO WORK
- 009: FOR THEIR HONEST LIVELIHOOD, ARE FORCED TO EMPLOY ALL THEIR TIME IN
- 010: STROLLING TO BEG SUSTENANCE FOR THEIR HELPLESS INFANTS: WHO AS THEY
- 011: GROW UP EITHER TURN THIEVES FOR WANT OF WORK, OR LEAVE THEIR DEAR
- 012: NATIVE COUNTRY TO FIGHT FOR THE ╨RETENDER IN ╙PAIN, OR SELL
- 013: THEMSELVES TO THE ┬ARBADOES.
-
- 014: ╔ THINK IT IS AGREED BY ALL PARTIES THAT THIS PRODIGIOUS NUMBER
- 015: OF CHILDREN IN THE ARMS, OR ON THE BACKS, OR AT THE HEELS OF THEIR
- 016: MOTHERS, AND FREQUENTLY OF THEIR FATHERS, IS IN THE PRESENT DEPLORABLE
- 017: STATE OF THE KINGDOM A VERY GREAT ADDITIONAL GRIEVANCE; AND,
- 018: THEREFORE, WHOEVER COULD FIND OUT A FAIR, CHEAP, AND EASY METHOD OF
- 019: MAKING THESE CHILDREN SOUND, USEFUL MEMBERS OF THE COMMONWEALTH, WOULD
- 020: DESERVE SO WELL OF THE PUBLIC AS TO HAVE HIS STATUE SET UP FOR A
- 021: PRESERVER OF THE NATION.
-
- 022: ┬UT MY INTENTION IS VERY FAR FROM BEING CONFINED TO PROVIDE ONLY
- 023: FOR THE CHILDREN OF PROFESSED BEGGARS; IT IS OF A MUCH GREATER EXTENT,
- 024: AND SHALL TAKE IN THE WHOLE NUMBER OF INFANTS AT A CERTAIN AGE WHO ARE
- 025: BORN OF PARENTS IN EFFECT AS LITTLE ABLE TO SUPPORT THEM AS THOSE WHO
- 026: DEMAND OUR CHARITY IN THE STREETS.
-
- 027: ┴S TO MY OWN PART, HAVING TURNED MY THOUGHTS FOR MANY YEARS UPON
- 028: THIS IMPORTANT SUBJECT, AND MATURELY WEIGHED THE SEVERAL SCHEMES OF
- 029: OTHER PROJECTORS, ╔ HAVE ALWAYS FOUND THEM GROSSLY MISTAKEN IN THE
- 030: COMPUTATION. ╔T IS TRUE, A CHILD JUST DROPPED FROM ITS DAM MAY BE
- 031: SUPPORTED BY HER MILK FOR A SOLAR YEAR, WITH LITTLE OTHER NOURISHMENT;
- 032: AT MOST NOT ABOVE THE VALUE OF 2S., WHICH THE MOTHER MAY CERTAINLY
- 033: GET, OR THE VALUE IN SCRAPS, BY HER LAWFUL OCCUPATION OF BEGGING; AND
- 034: IT IS EXACTLY AT ONE YEAR OLD THAT ╔ PROPOSE TO PROVIDE FOR THEM IN
- 035: SUCH A MANNER AS INSTEAD OF BEING A CHARGE UPON THEIR PARENTS OR THE
- 036: PARISH, OR WANTING FOOD AND RAIMENT FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES, THEY
- 037: SHALL ON THE CONTRARY CONTRIBUTE TO THE FEEDING, AND PARTLY TO THE
- 038: CLOTHING, OF MANY THOUSANDS.
-
- 039: ╘HERE IS LIKEWISE ANOTHER GREAT ADVANTAGE IN MY SCHEME, THAT IT
- 040: WILL PREVENT THOSE VOLUNTARY ABORTIONS, AND THAT HORRID PRACTICE OF
- 041: WOMEN MURDERING THEIR BASTARD CHILDREN, ALAS! TOO FREQUENT AMONG US!
- 042: SACRIFICING THE POOR INNOCENT BABES ╔ DOUBT MORE TO AVOID THE EXPENSE
- 043: THAN THE SHAME, WHICH WOULD MOVE TEARS AND PITY IN THE MOST SAVAGE AND
- 044: INHUMAN BREAST.
-
- 045: ╘HE NUMBER OF SOULS IN THIS KINGDOM BEING USUALLY RECKONED ONE
- 046: MILLION AND A HALF, OF THESE ╔ CALCULATE THERE MAY BE ABOUT TWO
- 047: HUNDRED THOUSAND COUPLE WHOSE WIVES ARE BREEDERS; FROM WHICH NUMBER
- 048: ╔ SUBTRACT THIRTY THOUSAND COUPLES WHO ARE ABLE TO MAINTAIN THEIR
- 049: OWN CHILDREN, ALTHOUGH ╔ APPREHEND THERE CANNOT BE SO MANY, UNDER
- 050: THE PRESENT DISTRESSES OF THE KINGDOM; BUT THIS BEING GRANTED, THERE
- 051: WILL REMAIN AN HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THOUSAND BREEDERS. ╔ AGAIN SUBTRACT
- 052: FIFTY THOUSAND FOR THOSE WOMEN WHO MISCARRY, OR WHOSE CHILDREN DIE BY
- 053: ACCIDENT OR DISEASE WITHIN THE YEAR. ╘HERE ONLY REMAINS ONE HUNDRED
- 054: AND TWENTY THOUSAND CHILDREN OF POOR PARENTS ANNUALLY BORN. ╘HE
- 055: QUESTION THEREFORE IS, HOW THIS NUMBER SHALL BE REARED AND PROVIDED
- 056: FOR, WHICH, AS ╔ HAVE ALREADY SAID, UNDER THE PRESENT SITUATION OF
- 057: AFFAIRS, IS UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE BY ALL THE METHODS HITHERTO PROPOSED.
- 058: ╞OR WE CAN NEITHER EMPLOY THEM IN HANDICRAFT OR AGRICULTURE; WE
- 059: NEITHER BUILD HOUSES (╔ MEAN IN THE COUNTRY) NOR CULTIVATE LAND: THEY
- 060: CAN VERY SELDOM PICK UP A LIVELIHOOD BY STEALING, TILL THEY ARRIVE AT
- 061: SIX YEARS OLD, EXCEPT WHERE THEY ARE OF TOWARDLY PARTS, ALTHOUGH ╔
- 062: CONFESS THEY LEARN THE RUDIMENTS MUCH EARLIER, DURING WHICH TIME, THEY
- 063: CAN HOWEVER BE PROPERLY LOOKED UPON ONLY AS PROBATIONERS, AS ╔ HAVE
- 064: BEEN INFORMED BY A PRINCIPAL GENTLEMAN IN THE COUNTY OF ├AVAN, WHO
- 065: PROTESTED TO ME THAT HE NEVER KNEW ABOVE ONE OR TWO INSTANCES UNDER
- 066: THE AGE OF SIX, EVEN IN A PART OF THE KINGDOM SO RENOWNED FOR THE
- 067: QUICKEST PROFICIENCY IN THAT ART.
-
- 068: ╔ AM ASSURED BY OUR MERCHANTS, THAT A BOY OR A GIRL BEFORE TWELVE
- 069: YEARS OLD IS NO SALABLE COMMODITY; AND EVEN WHEN THEY COME TO THIS AGE
- 070: THEY WILL NOT YIELD ABOVE THREE POUNDS, OR THREE POUNDS AND
- 071: HALF-A-CROWN AT MOST ON THE EXCHANGE; WHICH CANNOT TURN TO ACCOUNT
- 072: EITHER TO THE PARENTS OR KINGDOM, THE CHARGE OF NUTRIMENT AND RAGS
- 073: HAVING BEEN AT LEAST FOUR TIMES THAT VALUE.
-
- 074: ╔ SHALL NOW THEREFORE HUMBLY PROPOSE MY OWN THOUGHTS, WHICH ╔
- 075: HOPE WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO THE LEAST OBJECTION.
-
- 076: ╔ HAVE BEEN ASSURED BY A VERY KNOWING ┴MERICAN OF MY ACQUAINTANCE
- 077: IN ╠ONDON, THAT A YOUNG HEALTHY CHILD WELL NURSED IS AT A YEAR OLD A
- 078: MOST DELICIOUS, NOURISHING, AND WHOLESOME FOOD, WHETHER STEWED,
- 079: ROASTED, BAKED, OR BOILED; AND ╔ MAKE NO DOUBT THAT IT WILL EQUALLY
- 080: SERVE IN A FRICASSEE OR A RAGOUT.
-
- 081: ╔ DO THEREFORE HUMBLY OFFER IT TO PUBLIC CONSIDERATION THAT OF
- 082: THE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND CHILDREN ALREADY COMPUTED, TWENTY
- 083: THOUSAND MAY BE RESERVED FOR BREED, WHEREOF ONLY ONE-FOURTH PART TO
- 084: BE MALES; WHICH IS MORE THAN WE ALLOW TO SHEEP, BLACK CATTLE OR SWINE;
- 085: AND MY REASON IS, THAT THESE CHILDREN ARE SELDOM THE FRUITS OF
- 086: MARRIAGE, A CIRCUMSTANCE NOT MUCH REGARDED BY OUR SAVAGES, THEREFORE
- 087: ONE MALE WILL BE SUFFICIENT TO SERVE FOUR FEMALES. ╘HAT THE REMAINING
- 088: HUNDRED THOUSAND MAY, AT A YEAR OLD, BE OFFERED IN THE SALE TO THE
- 089: PERSONS OF QUALITY AND FORTUNE THROUGH THE KINGDOM; ALWAYS ADVISING
- 090: THE MOTHER TO LET THEM SUCK PLENTIFULLY IN THE LAST MONTH, SO AS TO
- 091: RENDER THEM PLUMP AND FAT FOR A GOOD TABLE. ┴ CHILD WILL MAKE TWO
- 092: DISHES AT AN ENTERTAINMENT FOR FRIENDS; AND WHEN THE FAMILY DINES
- 093: ALONE, THE FORE OR HIND QUARTER WILL MAKE A REASONABLE DISH, AND
- 094: SEASONED WITH A LITTLE PEPPER OR SALT WILL BE VERY GOOD BOILED ON
- 095: THE FOURTH DAY, ESPECIALLY IN WINTER.
-
- 096: ╔ HAVE RECKONED UPON A MEDIUM THAT A CHILD JUST BORN WILL WEIGH
- 097: 12 POUNDS, AND IN A SOLAR YEAR, IF TOLERABLY NURSED, INCREASETH TO 28
- 098: POUNDS.
-
- 099: ╔ GRANT THIS FOOD WILL BE SOMEWHAT DEAR, AND THEREFORE VERY
- 100: PROPER FOR LANDLORDS, WHO, AS THEY HAVE ALREADY DEVOURED MOST OF THE
- 101: PARENTS, SEEM TO HAVE THE BEST TITLE TO THE CHILDREN.
-
- 102: ╔NFANT'S FLESH WILL BE IN SEASON THROUGHOUT THE YEAR, BUT MORE
- 103: PLENTIFUL IN ═ARCH, AND A LITTLE BEFORE AND AFTER; FOR WE ARE TOLD BY
- 104: A GRAVE AUTHOR, AN EMINENT ╞RENCH PHYSICIAN, THAT FISH BEING A
- 105: PROLIFIC DIET, THERE ARE MORE CHILDREN BORN IN ╥OMAN ├ATHOLIC
- 106: COUNTRIES ABOUT NINE MONTHS AFTER ╠ENT THAN AT ANY OTHER SEASON;
- 107: THEREFORE, RECKONING A YEAR AFTER ╠ENT, THE MARKETS WILL BE MORE
- 108: GLUTTED THAN USUAL, BECAUSE THE NUMBER OF POPISH INFANTS IS AT LEAST
- 109: THREE TO ONE IN THIS KINGDOM: AND THEREFORE IT WILL HAVE ONE OTHER
- 110: COLLATERAL ADVANTAGE, BY LESSENING THE NUMBER OF PAPISTS AMONG US.
-
- 111: ╔ HAVE ALREADY COMPUTED THE CHARGE OF NURSING A BEGGAR'S CHILD
- 112: (IN WHICH LIST ╔ RECKON ALL COTTAGERS, LABORERS, AND FOUR-FIFTHS OF
- 113: THE FARMERS) TO BE ABOUT TWO SHILLINGS PER ANNUM, RAGS INCLUDED; AND
- 114: ╔ BELIEVE NO GENTLEMAN WOULD REPINE TO GIVE TEN SHILLINGS FOR THE
- 115: CARCASS OF A GOOD FAT CHILD, WHICH, AS ╔ HAVE SAID, WILL MAKE FOUR
- 116: DISHES OF EXCELLENT NUTRITIVE MEAT, WHEN HE HATH ONLY SOME PARTICULAR
- 117: FRIEND OR HIS OWN FAMILY TO DINE WITH HIM. ╘HUS THE SQUIRE WILL LEARN
- 118: TO BE A GOOD LANDLORD, AND GROW POPULAR AMONG HIS TENANTS; THE MOTHER
- 119: WILL HAVE EIGHT SHILLINGS NET PROFIT, AND BE FIT FOR WORK TILL SHE
- 120: PRODUCES ANOTHER CHILD.
-
- 121: ╘HOSE WHO ARE MORE THRIFTY (AS ╔ MUST CONFESS THE TIMES REQUIRE)
- 122: MAY FLAY THE CARCASS; THE SKIN OF WHICH ARTIFICIALLY DRESSED WILL MAKE
- 123: ADMIRABLE GLOVES FOR LADIES, AND SUMMER BOOTS FOR FINE GENTLEMEN.
-
- 124: ┴S TO OUR CITY OF ─UBLIN, SHAMBLES MAY BE APPOINTED FOR THIS
- 125: PURPOSE IN THE MOST CONVENIENT PARTS OF IT, AND BUTCHERS WE MAY BE
- 126: ASSURED WILL NOT BE WANTING; ALTHOUGH ╔ RATHER RECOMMEND BUYING THE
- 127: CHILDREN ALIVE, AND DRESSING THEM HOT FROM THE KNIFE, AS WE DO
- 128: ROASTING PIGS.
-
- 129: ┴ VERY WORTHY PERSON, A TRUE LOVER OF HIS COUNTRY, AND WHOSE
- 130: VIRTUES ╔ HIGHLY ESTEEM, WAS LATELY PLEASED IN DISCOURSING ON THIS
- 131: MATTER TO OFFER A REFINEMENT UPON MY SCHEME. ╚E SAID THAT MANY
- 132: GENTLEMEN OF THIS KINGDOM, HAVING OF LATE DESTROYED THEIR DEER, HE
- 133: CONCEIVED THAT THE WANT OF VENISON MIGHT BE WELL SUPPLIED BY THE
- 134: BODIES OF YOUNG LADS AND MAIDENS, NOT EXCEEDING FOURTEEN YEARS OF
- 135: AGE NOR UNDER TWELVE; SO GREAT A NUMBER OF BOTH SEXES IN EVERY
- 136: COUNTRY BEING NOW READY TO STARVE FOR WANT OF WORK AND SERVICE;
- 137: AND THESE TO BE DISPOSED OF BY THEIR PARENTS, IF ALIVE, OR
- 138: OTHERWISE BY THEIR NEAREST RELATIONS. ┬UT WITH DUE DEFERENCE TO
- 139: SO EXCELLENT A FRIEND AND SO DESERVING A PATRIOT, ╔ CANNOT BE
- 140: ALTOGETHER IN HIS SENTIMENTS; FOR AS TO THE MALES, MY ┴MERICAN
- 141: ACQUAINTANCE ASSURED ME, FROM FREQUENT EXPERIENCE, THAT THEIR FLESH
- 142: WAS GENERALLY TOUGH AND LEAN, LIKE THAT OF OUR SCHOOLBOYS BY
- 143: CONTINUAL EXERCISE, AND THEIR TASTE DISAGREEABLE; AND TO FATTEN
- 144: THEM WOULD NOT ANSWER THE CHARGE. ╘HEN AS TO THE FEMALES, IT WOULD,
- 145: ╔ THINK, WITH HUMBLE SUBMISSION BE A LOSS TO THE PUBLIC, BECAUSE
- 146: THEY SOON WOULD BECOME BREEDERS THEMSELVES; AND BESIDES, IT IS NOT
- 147: IMPROBABLE THAT SOME SCRUPULOUS PEOPLE MIGHT BE APT TO CENSURE SUCH
- 148: A PRACTICE (ALTHOUGH INDEED VERY UNJUSTLY), AS A LITTLE BORDERING
- 149: UPON CRUELTY; WHICH, ╔ CONFESS, HATH ALWAYS BEEN WITH ME THE STRONGEST
- 150: OBJECTION AGAINST ANY PROJECT, HOWEVER SO WELL INTENDED.
-
- 151: ┬UT IN ORDER TO JUSTIFY MY FRIEND, HE CONFESSED THAT THIS
- 152: EXPEDIENT WAS PUT INTO HIS HEAD BY THE FAMOUS ╨SALMANAZAR, A NATIVE
- 153: OF THE ISLAND ╞ORMOSA, WHO CAME FROM THENCE TO ╠ONDON ABOVE TWENTY
- 154: YEARS AGO, AND IN CONVERSATION TOLD MY FRIEND, THAT IN HIS COUNTRY
- 155: WHEN ANY YOUNG PERSON HAPPENED TO BE PUT TO DEATH, THE EXECUTIONER
- 156: SOLD THE CARCASS TO PERSONS OF QUALITY AS A PRIME DAINTY; AND THAT
- 157: IN HIS TIME THE BODY OF A PLUMP GIRL OF FIFTEEN, WHO WAS CRUCIFIED
- 158: FOR AN ATTEMPT TO POISON THE EMPEROR, WAS SOLD TO HIS IMPERIAL
- 159: MAJESTY'S PRIME MINISTER OF STATE, AND OTHER GREAT MANDARINS OF THE
- 160: COURT, IN JOINTS FROM THE GIBBET, AT FOUR HUNDRED CROWNS. ╬EITHER
- 161: INDEED CAN ╔ DENY, THAT IF THE SAME USE WERE MADE OF SEVERAL PLUMP
- 162: YOUNG GIRLS IN THIS TOWN, WHO WITHOUT ONE SINGLE GROAT TO THEIR
- 163: FORTUNES CANNOT STIR ABROAD WITHOUT A CHAIR, AND APPEAR AT PLAYHOUSE
- 164: AND ASSEMBLIES IN FOREIGN FINERIES WHICH THEY NEVER WILL PAY FOR,
- 165: THE KINGDOM WOULD NOT BE THE WORSE.
-
- 166: ╙OME PERSONS OF A DESPONDING SPIRIT ARE IN GREAT CONCERN ABOUT
- 167: THAT VAST NUMBER OF POOR PEOPLE, WHO ARE AGED, DISEASED, OR MAIMED,
- 168: AND ╔ HAVE BEEN DESIRED TO EMPLOY MY THOUGHTS WHAT COURSE MAY BE TAKEN
- 169: TO EASE THE NATION OF SO GRIEVOUS AN ENCUMBRANCE. ┬UT ╔ AM NOT IN THE
- 170: LEAST PAIN UPON THAT MATTER, BECAUSE IT IS VERY WELL KNOWN THAT THEY
- 171: ARE EVERY DAY DYING AND ROTTING BY COLD AND FAMINE, AND FILTH AND
- 172: VERMIN, AS FAST AS CAN BE REASONABLY EXPECTED. ┴ND AS TO THE YOUNG
- 173: LABORERS, THEY ARE NOW IN AS HOPEFUL A CONDITION; THEY CANNOT GET
- 174: WORK, AND CONSEQUENTLY PINE AWAY FOR WANT OF NOURISHMENT, TO A DEGREE
- 175: THAT IF AT ANY TIME THEY ARE ACCIDENTALLY HIRED TO COMMON LABOR, THEY
- 176: HAVE NOT STRENGTH TO PERFORM IT; AND THUS THE COUNTRY AND THEMSELVES
- 177: ARE HAPPILY DELIVERED FROM THE EVILS TO COME.
-
- 178: ╔ HAVE TOO LONG DIGRESSED, AND THEREFORE SHALL RETURN TO MY
- 179: SUBJECT. ╔ THINK THE ADVANTAGES BY THE PROPOSAL WHICH ╔ HAVE MADE ARE
- 180: OBVIOUS AND MANY, AS WELL AS OF THE HIGHEST IMPORTANCE.
-
- 181: ╞OR FIRST, AS ╔ HAVE ALREADY OBSERVED, IT WOULD GREATLY LESSEN
- 182: THE NUMBER OF PAPISTS, WITH WHOM WE ARE YEARLY OVERRUN, BEING THE
- 183: PRINCIPAL BREEDERS OF THE NATION AS WELL AS OUR MOST DANGEROUS
- 184: ENEMIES; AND WHO STAY AT HOME ON PURPOSE WITH A DESIGN TO DELIVER THE
- 185: KINGDOM TO THE ╨RETENDER, HOPING TO TAKE THEIR ADVANTAGE BY THE
- 186: ABSENCE OF SO MANY GOOD PROTESTANTS, WHO HAVE CHOSEN RATHER TO LEAVE
- 187: THEIR COUNTRY THAN STAY AT HOME AND PAY TITHES AGAINST THEIR
- 188: CONSCIENCE TO AN EPISCOPAL CURATE.
-
- 189: ╙ECONDLY, ╘HE POORER TENANTS WILL HAVE SOMETHING VALUABLE OF
- 190: THEIR OWN, WHICH BY LAW MAY BE MADE LIABLE TO DISTRESS AND HELP TO PAY
- 191: THEIR LANDLORD'S RENT, THEIR CORN AND CATTLE BEING ALREADY SEIZED, AND
- 192: MONEY A THING UNKNOWN.
-
- 193: ╘HIRDLY, ╫HEREAS THE MAINTENANCE OF AN HUNDRED THOUSAND CHILDREN,
- 194: FROM TWO YEARS OLD AND UPWARD, CANNOT BE COMPUTED AT LESS THAN TEN
- 195: SHILLINGS A-PIECE PER ANNUM, THE NATION'S STOCK WILL BE THEREBY
- 196: INCREASED FIFTY THOUSAND POUNDS PER ANNUM, BESIDE THE PROFIT OF A NEW
- 197: DISH INTRODUCED TO THE TABLES OF ALL GENTLEMEN OF FORTUNE IN THE
- 198: KINGDOM WHO HAVE ANY REFINEMENT IN TASTE. ┴ND THE MONEY WILL CIRCULATE
- 199: AMONG OURSELVES, THE GOODS BEING ENTIRELY OF OUR OWN GROWTH AND
- 200: MANUFACTURE.
-
- 201: ╞OURTHLY, ╘HE CONSTANT BREEDERS, BESIDE THE GAIN OF EIGHT
- 202: SHILLINGS STERLING PER ANNUM BY THE SALE OF THEIR CHILDREN, WILL BE
- 203: RID OF THE CHARGE OF MAINTAINING THEM AFTER THE FIRST YEAR.
-
- 204: ╞IFTHLY, ╘HIS FOOD WOULD LIKEWISE BRING GREAT CUSTOM TO TAVERNS;
- 205: WHERE THE VINTNERS WILL CERTAINLY BE SO PRUDENT AS TO PROCURE THE
- 206: BEST RECEIPTS FOR DRESSING IT TO PERFECTION, AND CONSEQUENTLY HAVE
- 207: THEIR HOUSES FREQUENTED BY ALL THE FINE GENTLEMEN, WHO JUSTLY VALUE
- 208: THEMSELVES UPON THEIR KNOWLEDGE IN GOOD EATING: AND A SKILFUL COOK,
- 209: WHO UNDERSTANDS HOW TO OBLIGE HIS GUESTS, WILL CONTRIVE TO MAKE IT
- 210: AS EXPENSIVE AS THEY PLEASE.
-
- 211: ╙IXTHLY, ╘HIS WOULD BE A GREAT INDUCEMENT TO MARRIAGE, WHICH ALL
- 212: WISE NATIONS HAVE EITHER ENCOURAGED BY REWARDS OR ENFORCED BY LAWS AND
- 213: PENALTIES. ╔T WOULD INCREASE THE CARE AND TENDERNESS OF MOTHERS TOWARD
- 214: THEIR CHILDREN, WHEN THEY WERE SURE OF A SETTLEMENT FOR LIFE TO THE
- 215: POOR BABES, PROVIDED IN SOME SORT BY THE PUBLIC, TO THEIR ANNUAL
- 216: PROFIT INSTEAD OF EXPENSE. ╫E SHOULD SEE AN HONEST EMULATION AMONG THE
- 217: MARRIED WOMEN, WHICH OF THEM COULD BRING THE FATTEST CHILD TO THE
- 218: MARKET. ═EN WOULD BECOME AS FOND OF THEIR WIVES DURING THE TIME OF
- 219: THEIR PREGNANCY AS THEY ARE NOW OF THEIR MARES IN FOAL, THEIR COWS IN
- 220: CALF, THEIR SOWS WHEN THEY ARE READY TO FARROW; NOR OFFER TO BEAT OR
- 221: KICK THEM (AS IS TOO FREQUENT A PRACTICE) FOR FEAR OF A MISCARRIAGE.
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- 222: ═ANY OTHER ADVANTAGES MIGHT BE ENUMERATED. ╞OR INSTANCE, THE
- 223: ADDITION OF SOME THOUSAND CARCASSES IN OUR EXPORTATION OF BARRELED
- 224: BEEF, THE PROPAGATION OF SWINE'S FLESH, AND IMPROVEMENT IN THE ART OF
- 225: MAKING GOOD BACON, SO MUCH WANTED AMONG US BY THE GREAT DESTRUCTION
- 226: OF PIGS, TOO FREQUENT AT OUR TABLES; WHICH ARE NO WAY COMPARABLE IN
- 227: TASTE OR MAGNIFICENCE TO A WELL-GROWN, FAT, YEARLING CHILD, WHICH
- 228: ROASTED WHOLE WILL MAKE A CONSIDERABLE FIGURE AT A LORD MAYOR'S FEAST
- 229: OR ANY OTHER PUBLIC ENTERTAINMENT. ┬UT THIS AND MANY OTHERS ╔ OMIT,
- 230: BEING STUDIOUS OF BREVITY.
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- 231: ┴FTER ALL, ╔ AM NOT SO VIOLENTLY BENT UPON MY OWN OPINION AS TO
- 232: REJECT ANY OFFER PROPOSED BY WISE MEN, WHICH SHALL BE FOUND EQUALLY
- 233: INNOCENT, CHEAP, EASY, AND EFFECTUAL. ┬UT BEFORE SOMETHING OF THAT
- 234: KIND SHALL BE ADVANCED IN CONTRADICTION TO MY SCHEME, AND OFFERING
- 235: A BETTER, ╔ DESIRE THE AUTHOR OR AUTHORS WILL BE PLEASED MATURELY
- 236: TO CONSIDER TWO POINTS. ╞IRST, AS THINGS NOW STAND, HOW THEY WILL
- 237: BE ABLE TO FIND FOOD AND RAIMENT FOR AN HUNDRED THOUSAND USELESS
- 238: MOUTHS AND BACKS. ┴ND SECONDLY, THERE BEING A ROUND MILLION OF
- 239: CREATURES IN HUMAN FIGURE THROUGHOUT THIS KINGDOM, WHOSE WHOLE
- 240: SUBSISTENCE PUT INTO A COMMON STOCK WOULD LEAVE THEM IN DEBT TWO
- 241: MILLIONS OF POUNDS STERLING, ADDING THOSE WHO ARE BEGGARS BY
- 242: PROFESSION TO THE BULK OF FARMERS, COTTAGERS, AND LABORERS, WITH
- 243: THEIR WIVES AND CHILDREN WHO ARE BEGGARS IN EFFECT: ╔ DESIRE THOSE
- 244: POLITICIANS WHO DISLIKE MY OVERTURE, AND MAY PERHAPS BE SO BOLD AS
- 245: TO ATTEMPT AN ANSWER, THAT THEY WILL FIRST ASK THE PARENTS OF THESE
- 246: MORTALS, WHETHER THEY WOULD NOT AT THIS DAY THINK IT A GREAT HAPPINESS
- 247: TO HAVE BEEN SOLD FOR FOOD, AT A YEAR OLD IN THE MANNER ╔ PRESCRIBE,
- 248: AND THEREBY HAVE AVOIDED SUCH A PERPETUAL SCENE OF MISFORTUNES AS THEY
- 249: HAVE SINCE GONE THROUGH BY THE OPPRESSION OF LANDLORDS, THE
- 250: IMPOSSIBILITY OF PAYING RENT WITHOUT MONEY OR TRADE, THE WANT OF
- 251: COMMON SUSTENANCE, WITH NEITHER HOUSE NOR CLOTHES TO COVER THEM FROM
- 252: THE INCLEMENCIES OF THE WEATHER, AND THE MOST INEVITABLE PROSPECT OF
- 253: ENTAILING THE LIKE OR GREATER MISERIES UPON THEIR BREED FOR EVER.
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- 254: ╔ PROFESS, IN THE SINCERITY OF MY HEART, THAT ╔ HAVE NOT THE
- 255: LEAST PERSONAL INTEREST IN ENDEAVORING TO PROMOTE THIS NECESSARY
- 256: WORK, HAVING NO OTHER MOTIVE THAN THE PUBLIC GOOD OF MY COUNTRY, BY
- 257: ADVANCING OUR TRADE, PROVIDING FOR INFANTS, RELIEVING THE POOR, AND
- 258: GIVING SOME PLEASURE TO THE RICH. ╔ HAVE NO CHILDREN BY WHICH ╔ CAN
- 259: PROPOSE TO GET A SINGLE PENNY; THE YOUNGEST BEING NINE YEARS OLD,
- 260: AND MY WIFE PAST CHILD-BEARING.
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